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2003-12-05 - 2:53 a.m.

infatuation is an ugly name for an uglier thing. it leaves us feeling restless, powerless, wrought with anticipation. we sit by the phone contemplating calling the person, but sit there motionless as the clock ticks on. when we stretch out on our beds, no matter how tired we may be, we lay awake for hours, wondering about tomorrow, all the what-ifs and maybes and we curse our minds for not just letting us sleep. we've all felt this when we were 12 years old, and even when we're more than twice that age, it makes us feel that we are 12 years old again. all the wisdom we thought we built up over the years and all the knowledge we thought we had of love and relationships...it all dissolves into the deep pit of infatuation.

it used to make me feel excited, being filled with anticipation. now i see what it really is. and i don't want it. infatuation is a form of manic depression, codependence in its purest form, not so temporary insanity.

i'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than to ever feel its cold pressing suffocating grasp again.

the question becomes---what separates love from infatuation? where is the line drawn? and who are we to decide?

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